Tweety Twelve - An Explanation

I joined Twitter at the beginning of 2009 and had made a summary of the best Tweets from that year under the title Primary Tweets. I did the same again for the year 2010 under the title Ten Tweets. Then again in 2011 as 3rd Year Tweets. I continue my theme, this time my tweets from 2012.

Although fairly comprehensive it is not a complete reposting of every Tweet that year. You will need to visit my @vinceunlimited Twitter Feed to get absolutely everything.

Finally, for those without the time on their hands to read the whole story I have also created a 'Best of 2012 Tweets'

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Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.260 9 May 2019




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Best Tweets of 2012 - Tweety Twelve: My Twitter Story of 2012



Ten Best Tweets from 2012

For those of you that just like the best of the best I have curated this list of my top ten best Tweets of 2012. Based on my personal choice, not based on views, likes, comments or retweets. They are in no significant order other than date of posting.

Ironic that all visitors to the Goodwood Festival of Speed start in a slow moving traffic jam
I asked my misses if all our home contents were insured. She said we had a blanket insurance cover. Seems to be a bit specific
Spent several minutes in the shop marvelling at the new large screen 3D TV only to realise I was looking out the window
My last girlfriend was really clingy. Haven't seen her since our rock climbing days
For my A levels I got an A* in maths, chemistry & physics. It was a real shock. Particularly as I studied music, German & artistic dance
I've woken up this morning with a bad back. I can't even recall buying it drinks and inviting it back to my place last night
I'm suffering from adjective amnesia. I just can't describe how it feels
When I married her my misses was worth her weight in gold. And has kept up with inflation ever since
My family believes in Creationism. And has for tens of thousands of years
Do you know the best place to start a career in the aircraft industry? Boarding School

Have I picked the ten best? If you want to know the full story of my Tweets in 2012 just scroll down.

Author: Vince Poynter
Curated: Version 5.260 9 May 2019
First Published: Twitter during 2012



Tweety Twelve: My Twitter Story of 2012

2012 was a momentous year in the UK, bolstered by the success of the Olympic Games.

It wasn’t quite so momentous on my Twitter account as it was merely business as usual as I continued my task all year by providing a diverse range of eclectic, interesting, amusing and thought provoking content.

I continue to do this summary for each year because Twitter is transient but some of my content is worth preserving and hasn’t yet been seen by everyone.

As usual I only include the best posts below, all as they appeared at the time.

Remember, all entries both past and live can be followed at www.twitter.com/vinceunlimited

15 Jan 12

Wimbledon on TV. Can't imagine a film made about any of the other Grand Slams. Although I thought I saw Paris Open on the Internet once
I thought it was called War Whores. The film wasn't at all what I was expecting

14 Feb 12

Valentine's Day. A chance for all women to say "buy me stuff or you clearly don't like me" #extortionday

1 Mar 12

Friend said he was looking forward to seeing Apple Mounting Lion. I suppose you can do anything with Photoshop nowadays

10 Mar 12

My misses claimed to be like Mohammed Ali. I thought 'Brain of a butterfly, waddles like a bee'

24 Mar 12

Since getting the 6' 6" bed the misses and I are in a long distance relationship

3 Apr 12

We will have a computer that mimics man's brain within five years. It will take another 100 to do women #horizon

20 Apr 12

I got divorced from a trifle. We've just been to the custardy hearing

22 Apr 12

Entered a competition to win an insect. It was one of those no win no flea offers

30 Apr 12

New Saga cruise ship for the over 55s. Typically turns up in a port and can't remember why it went there

19 May 12

I tried to float Facebook but my iPad got all wet

19 May 12

As the Olympic torch relay passes from worthy individual to worthy individual, each carefully selected from those without eBay accounts

24 Jun 12

#formula1 is on again and the secret deodorant sponsorship of all the drivers is being pushed, for Sure

30 Jun 12

Ironic that all visitors to the Goodwood Festival of Speed start in a slow moving traffic jam
Went to the toilet to wash my face. Now I've got my head stuck in a Dyson Airblade
My misses bought some Pyrokeets. I said "not more flaming parrots"

4 Jul 12

Now CERN have discovered a mass will Catholics finally go for it?

5 Jul 12

Now that CERN have found the Higgs Boson they are to concentrate their attention on finding something likeable about Andy Murray

7 Jul 12

One of our local businesses decided to go paperless. Stupid move for that Paper Shop

8 Jul 12

A newly wed husband asked me for advice - Have her neutered and think of all the great holidays you'll have

14 Jul 12

Twitter definition - 5000 following you. You look round and no-one's there

15 Jul 12

I spent the morning attaching myself to a V8 engine outlet. Now I'm exhausted

17 Jul 12

I've this mild paranoia. Checked out my FaceBook, Twitter, blog, Foursquare, website & eBay but can't pinpoint why I feel I'm being watched
Tied her up. Her face went black. What happened to those other 49 shades?

19 Jul 12

I asked my misses if all our home contents were insured. She said we had a blanket insurance cover. Seems to be a bit specific
Spent several minutes in the shop marvelling at the new large screen 3D TV only to realise I was looking out the window

29 Jul 12

Went to a car boot sale. Now, I no longer have a hatchback

30 Jul 12

I bet when they bring out the film version of 50 Shades of Grey it will be in black and white

1 Aug 12

When you are young you want to wake up with a cheerleader. As you get older maybe a dancer or model. At my age the preference is a paramedic
When I was a young magician I dated my assistant. When I finished it she was cut up
My last girlfriend was really clingy. Haven't seen her since our rock climbing days

12 Aug 12

Coe says the venues are full and humming. That's hot weather for you

16 Aug 12

For my A levels I got an A* in maths, chemistry & physics. It was a real shock. Particularly as I studied music, German & artistic dance

26 Aug 12

On a Kindle all books are 50 shades of grey

27 Aug 12

She said I'm thinking of an animal print top. I asked if they do them in Rhinoceros?

1 Sep 12

Neighbour's got a new dog. She's a bitch and looks like she's been round the block a few times. Haven't seen her pet yet

15 Sep 12

I've woken up this morning with a bad back. I can't even recall buying it drinks and inviting it back to my place last night

30 Sep 12

Had my drive at the Jeep day. In a Wrangler. Not sure which model. The boot cut I think

20 Oct 12

One day I shall need a famous last line. Perhaps it should be "My pen is mightier than your sword"
I'm suffering from adjective amnesia. I just can't describe how it feels
Heard about the new jazzy traffic busting idea for small Renault cars? - The Clio Lane

17 Nov 12

Can't justify buying an iPad mini so just added some black tape round my iPad
I would like a car made in China. Or maybe porcelain
Twitter I've worked out a fool proof way to get followed by 20,000 people - Do 10 mph in the outside lane of the motorway

18 Nov 12

Land Rover announced it's Range Rovers now to be made in China. No rumours yet that Mercedes-Benz will respond by making theirs in porcelain

20 Nov 12

In case you don't understand the Bishops issues let me summarise. A load of outdated, irrelevant men won't let women wear their silly hats

26 Nov 12

At my age if I took up football I'd receive the ball in my own half, run the length of the pitch with it then pass...out
My goal celebration would be the traditional semi-circular run whilst lifting my shirt...in preparation for the CPR machine
I need to be substituted after ten minutes playing table football
Subbuteo would give me repetitive strain injury
I love technology. The Ten Commandments. Now available in tablet form

29 Nov 12

My mother was in labour just before I was born but this didn't affect my political leanings #bbcqt

30 Nov 12

When I married her my misses was worth her weight in gold. And has kept up with inflation ever since

1 Dec 12

100, 99, 98, 97... Is this the worst episode of Countdown you have ever seen?
I do a good bird impression but I never crow about it
I managed to avoid all that Movember nonsense but it was a close shave
My family believes in Creationism. And has for tens of thousands of years

2 Dec 12

I had an origami business but it folded

3 Dec 12

Just a guess but I reckon the Internet is about 35% full

8 Dec 12

Yesterday I really tried to push the boat out. Until my mate in the caravan club explained the principles of towing to me
You can trace magazine publications back to the beginning of Time
Asked what book he wanted for Xmas. He replied "Surprise me." So have purchased a pop-up book

9 Dec 12

Her "You've lazed about in bed all morning." Me "I wasn't appreciating it as I was asleep at the time"

14 Dec 12

Just had a Cottage Pie for lunch. Tasty, but the thatched roof was a bit chewy

15 Dec 12

Following the guilty verdict my jacket was sent to the coat hanger
Dropped a redcurrant on my 80's computer. A Bluebottle swooped in so I squished it with my newspaper. That covered both ends of the Spectrum

16 Dec 12

Breaking news. Unverified statistics up 16.97%
Peter Jackson keeps returning to the same theme for his filmmaking. It's becoming a bit of a Habbit
Christmas. That time of year when you give thought to purchase a meaningful gift for a valued, close family friend for just under a tenner
I saw a shop selling second hand jokes. It's a funny old business
Do you know the best place to start a career in the aircraft industry? Boarding School

21 Dec 12

It's no wonder Starbucks got out of paying all their tax. What with employing all those Barristers
I'm no wine expert. I just use the colour coding they provide. White or red
On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me... A text. Sign of the times I suppose
Wine bottle labelling is encouraging me to 'Join them on Facebook' I think not. If I want to hang out with a bunch of winos there's the park
Been given a bottle of Merlot at work. Contains ripe plums, black cherries and blueberries. So, good for three of the five a day then

22 Dec 12

Put some lamb in the Slo-cooker in 1973. Do you think it's ready yet?

23 Dec 12

Not had anyone text me about compensation I'm due for over two weeks. Is there a company who can get me some compensation for this?

24 Dec 12

Thinking of fitting a wind turbine to my misses' snoring. An industrial one should do the trick
There's nothing worse than someone starting to make a point and then

26 Dec 12

Had a rabbit stew but found a hair in it #JokeBestSaidNotRead

31 Dec 12

I've not been invited to any parties this year. Not even UKIP
Wish I recorded the advert for BBC iPlayer
Armour always works, as sure as daze follow knights
Just a little request to everyone not to post more cat pictures on the Internet in 2013. As far as I can tell the Internet is now 80% cat

Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.260 9 May 2019
Tweets First Published: Twitter during 2012