3rd Year Tweets - An Explanation

I joined Twitter at the beginning of 2009 and had made a summary of the best Tweets from that year under the title Primary Tweets. I did the same again for the year 2010 under the title Ten Tweets. It was almost a dead cert that I would do the same thing for my tweeting year of 2011. And here it is. In 2019.

Although fairly comprehensive it is not a complete reposting of every Tweet that year. You will need to visit my @vinceunlimited Twitter Feed to get absolutely everything.

Finally, for those without the time on their hands to read the whole story I have also created a 'Best of 2011 Tweets'

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Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.250 29 Jan 2019




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Best Tweets of 2011 - 3rd Year Tweets: My Twitter Story of 2011



Ten Best Tweets from 2011

For those of you that just like the best of the best I have curated this list of my top ten best Tweets of 2011. Based on my personal choice, not based on views, likes, comments or retweets. They are in no significant order other than date of posting.

Woman on train constantly fiddling with her blackberry. She really ought to get a mobile phone if she wants something to do
If they cut out all the stuttering would The King's Speech have won an Oscar in the short film category?
It's not right to be showing all the latest films in 3D. Particularly if you are only in Class 2C
I suggested my wife signs up to the donor programme. On her death about four normal women could benefit from a bum transplant
Just had a fish pedicure. I thought why not? No skin off my nose
The chap who invented matches was alright but he failed to set the world alight
My misses is always watching her soaps. Tonight it's Dove, Coal Tar and Imperial Leather
The guy who lays Tarmac Drives went on Dragon's Den. I'm dying to know how his pitch went down
Someone told me they are my biggest fan. I replied "Well blow me"
I came up behind a plumber and gave him a tap on the shoulder. He said "Are you trying to put me out of work?"

Have I picked the ten best? If you want to know the full story of my Tweets in 2011 just scroll down.

Author: Vince Poynter
Curated: Version 5.250 29 Jan 2019
First Published: Twitter during 2011



3rd Year Tweets: My Twitter Story of 2011

Here I continue my ongoing story of tweeting, into it's third year, with this particular article extracting the most repeatable from the annals of 2011.

I do this summary for each year because of the nature of Twitter. Most posted entries are transient items of the moment, seen only by the limited numbers of people who are actually following and reading at the time. Due to my belief that many of my posts are worth recording for prosperity I reproduce the best of a particular year’s postings below, unedited and still containing the original poor sphelling and grammar. And as you will see it is the usual mix of quick fire wit and comment charting some of the year’s notable events and despite what most non-Twitterers think, nothing at all about my duck-faced selfie habits.

As usual, all entries both past and live can be followed at www.twitter.com/vinceunlimited and you might like to know that the best of my 2009 & 2010 posts can be found in previous entries 'Primary Tweets' for 2009 and 'Ten Tweets' for 2010.

14 Jan 11

My wife called me officious. Clearly demonstrating that she hadn't read my email on the matter

19 Jan 11

Government announcing record rate rises. Just as well I moved on to CDs years ago

1 Feb 11

If Egypt gets Western democracy how soon before we see Pyramid selling?

20 Feb 11

My misses loves chocolate. But she only has two squares a day. Square miles that is

21 Feb 11

Woman on train constantly fiddling with her blackberry. She really ought to get a mobile phone if she wants something to do
My misses wants me to stop building my Airfix model of a Magnum but I'm sticking to my guns

On 1 Mar 11 I anticipated a future Twitter world wherein in tweet advertising was normal. The 'P' at the beginning of the tweet was there to indicate that the tweet contained product placement. This system was starting to be used on sponsored TV broadcasts. Another unique idea from me, sadly not picked up, although in 2019 moves are afoot to oblige social media celebrities to be more honest about when they are actually advertising goods and services that they mention and display. Maybe with a P? Or a if they are a ViP then a VP?

P This is the first Tweet to contain the new [www.vinceunlimited.co.uk is a great site] product placement warning
If there was a no fly zone over Libya what would the Libyian spiders eat?

2 Mar 11

If they cut out all the stuttering would The King's Speech have won an Oscar in the short film category?

I built on the idea of the Kings Speech themes a couple of days later, on 4 Mar 11

I purchased a bootleg VHS copy of The King's Speech. Damn thing keeps stuttering
I refuse to comment about Mr Sheen until he polishes up his act
It's not right to be showing all the latest films in 3D. Particularly if you are only in Class 2C

9 Mar 11

UN having trouble getting Libyan no fly zone? Might be easier to get Brian Cox to increase Libyan gravity instead

9 Mar 11

Everything's Premier but the irritating celebrity

10 Mar 11

This Tweet contains one use of strong language, mild peril and sustained irony - Bollocks does it

14 Apr 11

Do nudists have nightmares where they turn up at work clothed?

11 May 11

I suggested my wife signs up to the donor programme. On her death about four normal women could benefit from a bum transplant
Suggested to the misses we play hide the sausage. Result, no bloody breakfast!

2 Jul 11

Just had a fish pedicure. I thought why not? No skin off my nose

28 Jul 11

Unhealthy interest from a Bluebottle yesterday. Hoping to build on the Lynx Effect today

7 Aug 11

Tennis fans love a long rally. So, why don't they go to see the Paris Dakar?

Some rioting kicked off in early August 2011, eventually becoming known as the London riots. It wasn't long before many of those getting involved appeared to be less interested in the social injustices upon which the anger was originally based and more interested in taking an opportunity to steal things, particularly high value items such as training shoes and electronic goods such as widescreen TVs. So on 10 Aug 11 I tweeted...

#riotcleanup Right. Now's the time to step in and arrest anyone who signed up to Sky HD in the past three nights

14 Aug 11

The chap who invented tattooing was alright but his memory is not ingrained in us
The chap who invented the felt tip pen was alright but he hardly left his mark on the world
The chap who invented the postal service was alright but he hardly left his stamp on society
The chap who invented matches was alright but he failed to set the world alight
The chap who selected standard wiring colours was alright but he didn't change the earth
The chap who invented the wheel was alright but the world didn't revolve around him
The chap who invented brakes was alright but the world didn't stop for him
I used to box during all my school lessons but I never went down in history
I'm in the sea stood on a submerged sand bank. But apparently no man is an island
I'm going to invent personal Post It Notes. That should stick it to the man
I'm not a bad artist but I seem unable to draw a conclusion

28 Aug 11

When comedians do searches do they use Giggle?

29 Aug 11

Do Water Voles have Bank Holidays?

3 Sep 11, following a conversation with my wife.

Me: "My body is like Iron Man, only Titanium" Her "So Tit Man then"

25 Sep 11

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. At least in my dictionary since I shut the Superglue in it

5 Oct 11

Tank's nearly empty, fuel light on for past thirty miles. That's just the way I roll

28 Oct 11, on one of those nights when sleep was evading me.

I've been thinking about it all night and have come to the conclusion that I definitely don't have insomnia

15 Nov 11

When I was young I attended a really bad collage. But I stuck with it

16 Nov 11

I was a paper millionaire when I was just 18. Well someone had to do all the office photocopying

On 26 Nov 11 I visited The Berry Theatre in Botley, Hampshire to see a performance from well known stand up comedian Shappi Khorsandi. Not well known enough for me to spell her surname correctly though. Sorry Shappi.

Loving watching Shappi Korsandi tonight. It's like Live at The Apollo in 3D

1 Dec 11

Got here early. No wifey. Worse still no WiFi (@ Little Chef A31 Burley via 4sq)

2 Dec 11

I'm becoming increasingly concerned about all this cloud data storage. It won't be long before a plane crashes into it

5 Dec 11

This motorway lay-by seems to go on for miles

6 Dec 11

Always wondered - Why isn't it called teethpaste?
My misses is always watching her soaps. Tonight it's Dove, Coal Tar and Imperial Leather

7 Dec 11

The guy who lays Tarmac Drives went on Dragon's Den. I'm dying to know how his pitch went down
Someone told me they are my biggest fan. I replied "Well blow me"
I came up behind a plumber and gave him a tap on the shoulder. He said "Are you trying to put me out of work?"

And my last notable Tweet of 2011, posted 24 December...

If I have an affair it will be with the polar opposite of the misses. Probably a dumb blonde. Polar opposite by the fact she will be blonde

Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.250 29 Jan 2019
Tweets First Published: Twitter during 2011