Twitter 2010 - Ten Tweets - An Explanation

I joined Twitter at the beginning of 2009 and had made a summary of the best Tweets from that year under the title Primary Tweets.

I felt proud of the contribution I was continuing to make in 2010 so it seemed appropriate to make another story summation of my year's content postings, as below. Including noting the three month sabbatical I took in the summer, following my practice 'month off' earlier in the year.

Although fairly comprehensive it is not a complete reposting of every Tweet that year. You will need to visit my @vinceunlimited Twitter Feed to get absolutely everything.

Finally, for those without the time on their hands to read the whole story I have also created a 'Best of 2010 Tweets'

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Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.183 28 Aug 2018




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Best Tweets of 2010 - Ten Tweets: My Twitter Story of 2010



Twitter 2010 - Ten Best Tweets

For those of you that just like the best of the best I have curated this list of my top ten best Tweets of 2010. Based on my personal choice, not based on views, likes, comments or retweets. They are in no significant order other than date of posting.

I went into a sandwich bar and ordered a pint of cheese and tomato
I wrote to ask if I could be the lead in the band. They wrote back to say they don't use poisonous materials
Have you seen the pirated Avatar copies? Amazing 3D effects. Film in the background. Cinema audience in the foreground
I have a pet Ulant. It's a stubborn little creature.
Wednesday. From the Greek word meaning silent d
At work people are always trying to pick a fight with me. Really must give up my job as a Professional Boxer
I went to South Africa last week. I was only heading for Tesco but you know how difficult SatNav programming is
Last year our economy went to the dogs. I wonder if this year it might like to go bowling?
I'm going to vote for change. Because my car's parked on a meter
Do ocean going liners have cruise control?

Have I picked the ten best? If you want to know the full story of my Tweets in 2010 just scroll down.

Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.183 28 Aug 2018
First Published: Twitter during 2010
Curated: Version 5.183 28 Aug 2018



Ten Tweets: My Twitter Story of 2010

Around this time [1 Jan 2011] one year ago I posted a summary of my best Tweets from 2009. So, as we put away 2010 by folding it into a neat pile and get 2011 out ready for full use it is time for me to once more summarise my past micro-blogging year.

I do this summary each year because of the nature of Twitter. Most posted entries are transient items of the moment, seen only by the limited numbers of people who are actually following and reading at the time. Due to my belief that many of my posts are worth recording for prosperity I reproduce the best of this year’s postings below, unedited and still containing the original poor spelling and grandma. And as you will see it is the usual mix of quick fire wit and comment charting some of the year’s notable events and despite what most non-Twitterers think, nothing at all about my eating habits.

This is my Twitter story of 2010.

As usual, all entries both past and live can be followed at www.twitter.com/vinceunlimited and you might like to know that the best of my 2009 posts are in previous entry Primary Tweets [posted 31 Dec 09].

1 Jan

It's 2010 & I've just had a clear vision of the future. According to my vision in ten years time it will be 2020. Which is perfect vision
New Year's Eve last night. Did you go out clubbing? How many baby seals did you get?

3 Jan

Every morning when I wake up feeling so tired I wonder how I was ever the first sperm on the scene

4 Jan

I wrote the name of a band on the inside of my car's roof. It's now a headlining act
I've heard that alcohol addles your Brian
My misses is so obsessed with cleanliness that when asked to a party she takes a bottle of mouthwash
We drove across Europe. We knew we were back in England when the washer bottle froze

5 Jan

There should be a law that states if the ground frost is thicker than your duvet you should legally be allowed to stay in bed
Just brought a ready-meal. It says to put it in microwave for a few minutes. That's not my definition of ready.
You never see socks boasting about a two-for-one offer

6 Jan

Snow here now 9" deep. Let me know if you see my Westhighland Terrior
One upside to all this falling snow. Now no-one comments on my dandruff
All this damn snow. Now can't find the cocaine line I left on the patio last night. Gonna have to snort the lot
I only need another 999,837 more followers to make it a million. Help me get to this total in the next six minutes

The running news story on 7 January was the fall out from Jonathon Ross and Russell Brand’s radio comments on one of Andrew Sachs' relatives and the subsequent BBC de-hiring of Mr Ross. I thought about his chat show...

News. @wossy leaving BBC. Four P45s and a piano

This got re-broadcast by seven others, my RT record to date.

I want a four-poster bed. Normal bed with an Athena print of that tennis girl scratching her bum on each wall
Imagine a natural disaster wiping out CES. The shockwave through the technology community would put back developments by nearly 10 minutes

8 Jan

I'll know when I've truly made it. I'll be seen in toast
Twitter says I have 247 followers, Tweetie says 248. But who's right? There's only one way to find out. Fiiiight!
I read about ten ways to improve my memory. Here are the seven that I remembered...
I lent my mate a terrific book about making a suicide bomb. He was totally blown away
In the news. I see Robinson's in a jam

12 Jan

I tried to make a trunk call. Frightened the life out of the poor elephant
I'm still in love with my wife. Now I wish I hadn't buried her under that patio in 1973

15 Jan

Why is is that when I order a round of sandwiches they give me ones cut into triangles?
I went into a sandwich bar and ordered a pint of cheese and tomato

16 Jan

Going for a 3 course meal. So called because... Starters? "Of course", Main meal? "Of course", Afters? "Of course"

19 Jan

Kraft plunging 12bn into buying Cadbury. Hardly news. My misses does that every year.
#madeupelements Zeppelinium A heavy metal
If a geek wanted to get fitter would they take up circuit board training?

20 Jan

Hey girls. I'm a lonely dark six foot three Mensa rated Millionaire looking 4 someone to share my playboy lifestyle. PS ignore the picture

21 Jan

@Flipbooks BBC reporting Air France to offer obese people extra free seat. The irony here is that a 2 for 1 offers were the original problem
News in that terrorists are threatening Philidelphia. Must be a disgruntled Cadbury worker
I wrote to ask if I could be the lead in the band. They wrote back to say they don't use poisonous materials
Hey guys had a great chap from Nigeria just emailed me looking to offload £200,000. Shall we club together to get the £3m deposit he wants?
Wow, another email. Well 43 to be precise. All offering to enhance my man-chap. If you want I'll forward his, err, all their details
Hey. Aren't I mister popular today. My bank has emailed just to ask me to verify my PIN numbers as their servers went down for maintenance
Oh no. Got email from someone claiming to be mum wanting to know what I want for tea this weekend. That's obviously spam, my name's not love
When I die I'm leaving all my money to Charity. My other daughters Faith and Hope can whistle
I've always wanted to be a TV Chef but I'm not sure what spices to use with a 42" LCD

22 Jan

They say love changes everything. Bet it won't do my bedsheets in the morning

25 Jan

Hi. My name is Tony Blair and David Cameron was my idea
I hate it when TV Channels... Buy Beans. ...break for commercials
I fitted some loft insulation. Really annoyed the guy in the flat above
I'm so tired. I've been up since 7. And I'm 48 now
Now having to sort out mix up with Airbus following my ordering of 200 planes which I negotiated with Woodcutters Weekly
Have you seen the pirated Avatar copies. Amazing 3D effects. Film in the background. Cinema audience in the foreground

2010 was set to feature a lot about Apple products with their launch of the iPad. But no-one outside the Fruit Bowl in Cupertino was privy to the actual name at the time. Ideas seeded everywhere. I peeled off on 27 Jan 10 with...

Because it is an #Apple designed product it won't be called the iSore

The next day I continued my thoughts, although by then I knew the name. What no-one knew was who, if anyone, would buy the thing. I immediately considered a target audience, an idea that quite a few technology pundits took a while to figure out...

#iPad Have you considered notion that a reliable standalone intuitive portable touch computer may well suit the non-tech wealthy elderly
Why isn't the iSlate of the Union trending?
Scientists have worked out the colour of a Chinese dinosaur. Apparently it's predominently orange with white striped tail. The gingersaurus?
@Granni_Annie Due to Botox the British no longer have a monopoly on stiff upper lips

29 Jan

Up early this morning. Way too tired. Apparently there's a nap for that
I'm counting sheep to try and get asleep. As usual my computer is better at this task than me. It's got more RAM

1 Feb

Conservatives are promising to break BT's monopoly. In response Labour is considering trashing O2's Snakes & Ladders
I brought my trousers from a stationary store. They are generally OK but they do have lever arch flies
People often use their pet dog or pet cat as an avatar. Can I use my pet hate?
I have a pet Ulant. It's a stubborn little creature.
You know you are addicted to this thing when you ask your phone supplier to quote a download price in Twitterbytes
Nearly got on Come Dine With Me. In the end they sussed I didn't actually live in Burger King
Cash In The Attic also had sniffy lawyers. Some rule about me not being able to sell the contents from the guy's flat above me

Wednesday 3 Feb and I mused about that...

Wednesday. From the Greek word meaning silent d

On 4 February the Toyota Motor Company was in the news because the press got hold of a few stories about the Prius brake systems failing. I didn’t fail to stop my own comments on the subject...

No wonder the car in front is always a Toyota if the throttle pedals get stuck open
Wow. My Toyota tweet this morning went viral. Shot out in the community like the throttle was stuck open

5 Feb

Trying to eat a Cottage Pie but the thatch keeps getting stuck between my teeth
Do fish use PlaiceBook?
@tattooed_mummy That's just the trouble with having original thoughts. Someone always steals the idea ages ago
Apple could make the safest cars. They would never crash
I live on an estate. Pity it's just a Volvo
At work people are always trying to pick a fight with me. Really must give up my job as a Professional Boxer

10 Feb

Vorsprung durch Technik. German for not a Toyota

11 Feb

I'm going to invest in the next big thing. I will buy my stomach a bacon roll

16 Feb

I predict that the British will sweep the podiums at this year's Winter Olympics. Someone will have to clear up after the event

22 Feb

Imagine when Harry Hill was a doctor. "It could be thrombosis, or it might be arthritis. There's only one way to find out. Fiiiiight!"

27 Feb

My family tree research has been going well. I'm back to the Triassic period but struggling to get information on the Carboniferous

28 Feb

My mother used to sing 'If I knew you were coming I'd have baked a cake' I always considered it as a threat

Due to other pressing matters my Tweeting was effectively silenced during March. I re-engaged with my followers in early April and was surprisingly warmly welcomed back. On 2 April I wrote...

It seems my return to Twitter has caused quite a stir. It's not like re-emerging at this time of year is even very original

Two days later I found myself watching, and inevitably Tweeting about, BBC’s coverage of the Formula 1 Championship. The race was delayed so the Beeb ‘continued’ coverage on another channel...

So what time did you do on the #F1 BBC pitstop between BBC1 & BBC2? I managed 0.3 seconds so gained 6 places
If Red Bull gives you wings aren't there rules against that sort of thing in #F1?

6 Apr

The iPad's making my supporting arm ache. I haven't got one, I've just been reading all the Tech Tweets about it on my iPhone

9 Apr

I'm really pleased because today I was offered a book deal. OK, so it was only 2 for 1 on paperbacks at Waterstones but hey ho
Just watched the Channel 4 Roasting Show - Britain's Got Tarrant
Apparantly they have discovered ice on Mars. Always wondered what happened to him after Top Gun

10 Apr

I said "My knuckles are itching" My wife immediately retorted "Been walking on them again?"

11 Apr

As a comedian I stand alone. Which isn't a good gig
I realised that employers aren't conforming to equality laws when my application to work on the late night TV Babestation was turned down
When I was young I knew a chap who loved doing the sky bit in jigsaws but wasn't that good at it. He's now a tiler

12 Apr

The Labour Party Manifesto promises a future fair for all. Bagsie a go on the Wurlitzer

16 Apr

People on Facebook are just friends, people on LinkedIn are just colleagues, people on Twitter are just mad
I can't decide whether I should stand for this election. Or whether sitting down may be more comfortable
Horrible predictive text. I meant to say I'm surfing the net on my Macintosh. It corrected to in my macintosh. Entirely different
They say Policemen are getting younger. Soon you will need a CRB check before you can be arrested
@John_C_Davies Surely as the iPad is twice the size of an iPhone you should be able to Tweet 280 characters each time

17 Apr

I said I need something to get my teeth into. She joked, put them in a pot like my dad does
You know you've been on your iPhone too long when you start double tapping actual book pages

25 Apr

I went to South Africa last week. I was only heading for Tesco but you know how difficult SatNav programming is

29 April saw Greece plummeting into financial crisis...

No need to feel sorry for Greece's predicament. They've had a few thousand years to learn how to be philosophical about it
Numbers just in show polls rising to 57% with opinions on just 24% and conjecture trailing at 19%
Last year our economy went to the dogs. I wonder if this year it might like to go bowling?
I tried out a joke about a Jack Dee sitcom. It went down like a lead balloon

30 Apr

I'm going to vote for change. Because my car's parked on a meter

7 May

So, we wake to a hung Parliament. A bit harsh for that expenses debacle surely?

14 May

I think travelling down the rail network is dangerous and uncomfortable. Next time I'm getting on the train

15 May

If I were on Britain's Got Talent I'd ask each of the judges if they would like me to give them a million pounds. I bet I'd get three yeses

18 May

Wanna impress those around you? If your phone rings in public, confidently answer with "Good day your Majesty. How may I help you today?"

12 Jun

In honour of the World Cup I suggested my misses has a Brazillian. She replied it might be a bit Chile
@QuinkyArt If the USA were as passionate about soccer as we are they would've made CSI Wembley by now

17 Jun

An Officer was jailed for letting women off traffic offences for sex. My misses is always speeding. Never gets a ticket. Just saying

20 Jun

In group stages if all equal the winner will be selected on a coin toss. I'm concerned that England has not been practising coin tossing

26 Jun

If a nation changed it's flag to a picture of a huge nose, face-painting would be much easier

3 Jul

So amusing with the elderly in-laws. They are recounting a story where during a foreign drive they confused miles per hour with kilograms
Now the mother-in-law is recounting a local news story where they had to call in flourensics. CSI nighttime I presume

4 Jul

Sat-Nav said bear left. I saw no Grizzly

8 July and I acknowledged a surprising good deed...

Just experienced unexpected good deed. Whilst immersed in PC failed to notice train arrive. Driver got out of cab and hailed me to get on

August, September and October was a particularly lean time for my Tweets. There were none. An incident in Formula 1 prompted me to re-engage with the Twittersphere on 7 November...

Jensen Button isn't so quick without a man and machine gun behind him #bbcf1

10 Nov

My nan did 100m in less than 11 seconds. Our fault really. She never should've had that top floor flat

11 Nov

A Tesco has been opened in a disused church. Swapping pews for queues no doubt. If other way round 'Unexpected atheist in the nagging area'

12 Nov

Train announcements says I must buy a ticket before travelling. I did. Admittedly in 1973. On a bus

23 November saw Ireland joining in with Greece’s predicament...

UK offering £9bn to bail out Ireland. Wow, rising sea levels must be worse than I thought

28 Nov

WikiLeaks? More like WikiFloods

29 Nov

My candle's stem just can't hold its wax #LeakyWicks

1 Dec

BBC News reporting this snowy weather costing UK £1.2bn per day. Presumably that's the loss of revenue from the speed cameras

On 9 December Prince Charles and The Duchess of Cornwall’s car was attacked during Student Protests on the streets of London. The attackers threw paint at the car...

Charles & Camilla are looking tired and emulsional

11 Dec

Wife: "If you could ask only one question what would it be?" Me: "Why am I never asked to host Mastermind?"
They say you should write about what you know best. So why aren't all comedian's jokes about laying in bed all morning?
Do ocean going liners have cruise control?
Thought if I want to be a comedian I'd need an agent. Asked the first his name he said 'Bond'. Thought "Hmm, can I afford a double one?"
Someone asked who I'd have in my fantasy football team. Well, Hagrid in goal, for a start
I'm thinking of visiting Shakespeare's Globe Theatre. Presumably where all the stage is a world
My misses said "I just twiddled my nose & got all the housework done" If she twiddled her backside the whole street I should imagine

On 12 December the country, or rather all the ITV watching part were following the talent show X-factor and a young boy band called One Direction were competing...

In the next year Wand Erection will go on to grow pubic hair #xfactor

16 Dec

Take That and Boyzone performing together on the Royal Variety. Looking a bit old now

That same day Blake Edwards, director of the Pink Panther movies passed away...

Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, de-dum, de-done - Blake Edwards

19 Dec

The Lord has spoken and has chosen his favourite drink - Stella #apprentice

20 Dec

This automatic porn filter is going to ruin my stop cock business
I was brought up under the influence of great teachers. Either Teachers or Bells. Hard to know when you're that far gone

And my last notable Tweet, posted 21 December...

In business news: A company producing natural fill pillows reports that all its stock is Down

Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.183 28 Aug 2018
Tweets First Published: Twitter during 2010
Written 1 Jan 2011 and Published: Version 3.0 in Jan 2011