Celebrity Meal Friends
Fantasy Dinner Party [In 2005]
A list of the reprobates that you would have heard of that I'd ask round for dinner, should I feel like cooking.
I should add a caveat that I am not personally familiar with these people (a shame in so many cases) so my judgement is based on their media perceptions. Having stated that I doubt that in real life Billy would not be funny or Demi would be ugly.
Not that I have just picked the men on their humour and the women on their looks. If you knew the type of woman I usually found attractive you may question my Optician's qualifications. It is just that pretty girls often seem so offish. I'm far more likely to like a woman that doesn't fall into the best ten looking in the world. In some cases they wouldn't reach the top ten in the room. Of nine.
Incidentally all these are listed alphabetically, in case you were thinking I had a particularly soft spot for Rowan.
I have kept my list to those that are living today (as far as I know). Departed guests may have included Oscar Wilde for his fascinating conversation or Princess Diana for her fun and beauty.
Or even King Henry VIII, as he would be able to recall detailed stories of our past and I've heard he was fond of a meal or two.
Not that I'd be swayed by many of the historical greats. Drake would just bleat on about his potatoes, Ghandi wouldn't touch the beef, Mother Theresa would nick the tea towels and most politicians would be a singular subject bore (with the exception of Boris).
Finally, those that just missed out include Rick Parfait of Status Quo fame, because he is really at his best when with his guitar playing colleague Francis Rossi and there is not room for two others.
And Francis Rossi for much the same reason.
Plus, the lads would then outnumber the ladies and at present the list is so evenly split.
Until I add myself in of course. So I'd have to invite the misses as well. Provided she doesn't go on about Russell Crowe all evening. It would spoil my conversations with the girls!
My first choice is rubber-faced comic Rowan Atkinson.
I admire his work greatly and would be able to find out if he was as crazy in real life as his celebrity image suggests.
Plus, the only thing I know about Rowan outside his life of humour is that he is a real petrol-head, which makes him OK in my book.
Melanie Chisholm (AKA Mel C)
It was tempting just to invite the whole cast of Girls Aloud but the original girl-band would probably be more interesting to meet and there are two in my list.
The first is the token 'northerner' Melanie Chisholm.
I have no idea about her likes or mannerisms but Mel C has the voice of an angel. It's soothing tones are enough to melt my heart.
But although her singing voice is as pure as driven snow when she speaks it is more akin to coal.
So it's her cute figure that swings it.
Who wouldn't want Billy Connolly as a guest at their dinner table, except perhaps a prude.
He is renowned for his method of stand-up that doesn't include rehearsal. If he can produce that quality on stage he'll be a riot one-to-one.
And if things start to get awkward I'll just ask him about his connections with upmarket leather interiors for cars.
Ben Elton wouldn't just feature on my dream celebrity dinner table as a performer but he would also feature in my top ten authors, if only I could think of another eight.
Bill Bryson, if you were wondering.
Fun time royal Sarah Ferguson would provide a down to earth recollection of part of our living history.
I'm a royalist but few Royals would brighten the table as much as the ever-smiling Duchess of York.
She'd be fun, I can see it in her eyes.
Quite an interesting choice is the know-it-all Stephen Fry.
I'm sure conversation with Stephen would never run dry.
He'd be the best at recounting celebrity anecdotes. Or, as it is known to you and I, dropping names.
My second Spice Girl is Geri Halliwell.
I think she has received unfair treatment by the press for no other reason than being the oldest in the group.
But I see Geri as a girl of wide experience and great fun. Of which the press would interpret as having been around a bit.
Well she can come around to mine anytime.
A hometown connection would be the catalyst to invite Amanda Holden to my dinner party.
We share common acting roots within our local community so we'll be able to share stories about the poeple we know.
And sharing stories with such a pretty woman would be hard to resist.
You need at least one token political person in such a gathering but for the reasons stated above I'd struggle to justify many.
I considered John Major as he often talks sense, Tony Blair because he is an incumbent Prime Minister or Lady Thatcher as she is a living legend but I doubt that I could share friendships with these people.
No, for coupling political nous to a sense of fun I'd pick Boris Johnson.
He's welcome, if he can find the address.
And last, but by no means least the stunning Demi Moore. Who, lets face it, could only be bettered by being a full Moore.
With Demi I could chew the Hollywood fat and get a low down on all the top people in the dream business.
There would be the gaping mouth and dribbling chin to contend with of course.
But she will just have to put up with that.
Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.072 16 Feb 2018
First Published: Version 1.03 Feb 2005