The Food Page

Hi. You have arrived at the vinceunlimited Food page. A new section in the vinceunlimited universe designed to collate all the food and drink ideas, writing and articles found within the whole of the vinceunlimited restaurant, all for a particular type of reader, in this case you, a foodie, a connoisseur of food and drink.

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Author: Vince Poynter
Version m5.270 11 Jul 2019
First published: Version m5.044 22 Dec 2017
Earliest articles: Dated from Version 1.00 in Oct 2003




vSearch by term

Coloured Chocolate - Cucumber Campaign - Food For Thought - MashTop - Kangafood - Ring-o-Mash - Sweet Tea - Tea




Coloured Chocolate

Colourscrumptious

A partially unwrapped standard Terry's Chocolate Orange
A Terry's Chocolate Orange. The extremely rare brown version

For years my favourite colour was brown. Even now I cannot decide on a suitable replacement.

Red seems so obvious and more interesting colours like burnt orange are too obscure and would mean I would spend all my time explaining why I chose that hue.

But brown is considered so bland. It is the colour of the country when all the lovely greenery gets trampled and the washed out colour that multiple shades of plasticine turn to when mixed.

Mind you, real fresh conkers are the most beautiful tone...of brown. And brown is the colour of chocolate, one of the best discoveries man ever made.

Chocolate is traditionally brown presumably due to the natural colouration of its main constituent, the cocoa bean. But most other foodstuffs can be coloured so why not chocolate?

And I know by now you are probably screaming at the screen that white chocolate is as common as the Milky Bar Kid in a top ten list of cheesy, spectacled children in TV adverts. But one alternative, sickly option is hardly a rainbow of choice.

Why can't we buy red, blue or even purple chocolate?

Why isn't a Terrys Chocolate Orange orange?

Kids would go crazy for the new hues, tempting them back into a snack that has been increasingly sidelined due to the modern obsession with skinny [I think chubby oiks are like that due to lack of exercise more than bad diet].

So Cadburys, Nestle, Terrys et al get your cochineal out and colour that choc.

Incidentally, I'll know when my idea has fully matured. Not when I can get strawberry chocolate in red but when I can specify my own shade.

And at that point I'll choose fresh conker. A gorgeous mix of browns.

Author: Vince Poynter
Version m5.127 5 Jun 2018
First Published: Version 2.03 in Apr 2006
The photograph shows a Terry's Chocolate Orange and was taken by the author and added to the website on 11 Jun 2018



Cucumber Campaign

At first all the cucumber aficionados reading this will be salivating at the thought that there is to be a Cucumber campaign. No doubt the thought of selfless promotion of their favourite green cylindrical vegetable will drive them wild with excitement. But this campaign is to reduce their use. I hate the things and I am fed up with them turning up uninvited in my sandwich rolls.

For the last few years we have been constantly droned on at to eat more healthily and my relatively recent contribution is to engage full on with the salad world. Well, when I say full on I don’t mean the whole banana. I don’t relish radishes, crave cress or press for peppers but I have taught myself the art of enjoying a little bit of lettuce, providing it’s not masquerading as that rocket/garden weed nonsense. And I have always liked tomato and egg so with a bit of proper food [i.e. meat] I can handle a salad sandwich from time to time.

The trouble is the purveyors of such delicatessen insist on chucking as much ingredients into their wares as possible and this usually includes an obligatory slice of Cucumis Sativus. No doubt using two thin slices of this cheap creeping vine pod appeals to their sense of value but for me it’s strong flavour just stains the rest of the sandwich and puts me off purchase. And don’t go telling me that they hardly taste of anything as they are 90% water because if that is the case don’t bother adding them in the first place.

My main issue is that nobody really likes these things. My misses claims to like cucumber but not once have I seen her purchase one for snack consumption. Despite the easy natural packaging no one eats a cucumber in the street, such as happens with apples and bananas for instance.

You may think why pick on the cucumber? After all in a similar way the tomato is not universally appreciated yet this is added to salad rolls for presumably the same reason and people don’t eat them in the street. The answer is in the design of the tomato. It may have the same convenient outer packaging as a cucumber but it packs a surprise squish inside rendering it impossible to eat anywhere except leaning over a sink. So totally unsuitable for street snacking. And to reinforce the positives of a tomato it adds a new and exciting colour to a salad sandwich. Cucumber’s just ape the green of the lettuce that’s already there. Plus I like tomatoes.

So lets ditch the cucumber. The most pointless addition to a sandwich ever.

Apart from sweetcorn of course. That nasty little cancer gets everywhere. Try buying a salad or pasta snack in your local supermarket and there it is. Little yellow bits of stinking pus-pebbles ruining every dish and impossible to remove without tweezers and a sieve. Tastes even stronger and twice as sickly than crappy cucumber. And for some reason always added to otherwise delicious tuna offerings. What is this stupid fish/corn-cob relationship based on? As far as I know nothing in the natural world that David Attenborough has ever enlightened us about despite an almost obsessive annual BBC series on the subject. I adore tuna. Tuna is good for me. Sweetcorn makes me puke. Why stop at Tunacorn? Why not just go the whole hog and pointlessly insist on adding dandelion leaves to every smoked salmon slice?

Or better still why not make things simpler? Sandwiches, rolls, baps, tacos, submarines and pittas should only contain one ingredient. An obvious main ingredient, such as the meat, or for those vaginatarians say an egg. Then also on display at the same point should be the personal add ons, such as lettuce, tomato and [if you really insist] cucumber, sweetcorn and dandelion. The user could add these extras at will and build a sarnie to their precise taste and health requirements.

Yes, I am aware that the Subway sandwich chain already take this approach but why not our local supermarket, corner shop or garage forecourt?

Lettuce start the Cucumber Campaign today.

Author: Vince Poynter
Version m5.184 29 Aug 18
First Published: Blog within Version 3.0 on 6 Feb 2011



Food For Thought

Vince Poynter sat, tucking in to a Pot Noodle, with a female friend in the background
Yummy, yummy, yummy. This is going to [temporarily] fill my tummy

I purchased a Pot Noodle from Tesco today.

This is not a regular thing now but I used to have one or two when they were first introduced.

This quite unremarkable fact would have gone unreported, even in my detailed blog, other than the fact behind me in the queue was a chef. I knew this fact from his dirty, white, wrap-around top and silly check trousers.

He saw my Pot Noodle and I could see his mind visibly sighing.

He was buying a pile of fresh ingredients and I'm sure was about to produce a masterclass in scrumptious eating.

My sad fast food option was clearly letting the side down.

However, I did think that if this chef was clever enough to have thought up the concept of my humble snack he wouldn't be in Tesco now looking down his nose.

It tasted delicious.

Author: Vince Poynter
Version m5.107 26 Apr 2018
First Published: Version 2.02 21 Sep 2005
The photograph shows the author tucking into a Pot Noodle and was taken around 1985. It was added to the website in Version m5.107 26 Apr 2018



Kangafood

Had a late lunch with the wife's family to celebrate my father-in-law's birthday.

We made our now seemingly monotonously regular trip to The Otter at Otterborne.

Personally I always see a typically dingily lit Public House with grimy floor and facilities and a smattering of unwelcoming angry looking bar locals. However, the in-laws only see the back restaurant and seem to like the food.

Here the Otter does well and surprisingly serves a quite exotic menu.

Often I'll order the Ostrich Steak but like so many other things today this was off the menu.

The waitress offered kangaroo, which I jumped at.

Author: Vince Poynter
Version m5.162 30 Jul 2018
Written as an entry in MyDiary 18 Jan 2010
First Published: Version 3.0 Mar 2010



MashTop

A compilation of eleven photographs showing the concept of the MashTop product, a mashed pototo scoop in an edible wafer cone. On the left are five variants with mashed potato toppings and other ingredients on a cone. The first has two frankfurters with pepper, the second with mackerel and gravy, the third frankfurters with beans, the fourth beans with gravy and black pepper and the fifth with beetroot. The central photograph shows the author smiling whilst holding one of the cones. On the right are five photographs showing cutaways of the cones showing the internal contents. The first is a full size showing the mash and frankfurther cone with an internal filling of red jelly and dark chocolate pieces plugged with a Malteser, the second is a close up of the same product concentrating on the filling, the third close up showing a filling of red jelly and smarties, the fourth close up with pieces of Rocky Road and red jelly and the fifth close up with apple pieces

In April of this year I posted an article proposing the concept of a novel range of mashed potato based take away outlets, arguing that it was more healthy and offered greater choice than traditional burger, curry and fish & chips franchises.

I even attempted to differentiate my idea by suggested a slight change in the packaging of the take away product by proposing a circular polystyrene container. However this change is not radical enough. It still has the unpopular use of a one time wasteful box. So I set about attempting to find a solution to appease environmentally minded people.

I found a solution to this by merging two traditional take away ideas - Fast food and ice cream.

A photograph of the MashTop concept showing a mashed potato scoop with two frankfurters poking out, covered in black pepper in an edible wafer cone which has been cut away to show a sweet treat inside including a Malteser and two dark chocolate chunks within some shredded red jelly.
The original concept for a MashTop showing the edible cone cut away revealing a tasty sweet internal treat

I propose the uniquely novel idea of a brand new food product which I have called The MashTop.

The basic concept is a scoop of mashed potato atop an edible wafer cone.

With the mashed potato top additional elements can be added to complete a tasty meal such as the use of frankfurters shown in the adjacent close up photograph.

Other toppings could include slices of various cooked or processed meats or even fish fingers. Samples are shown within the banner photograph above.

Carrots, baked beans or sprinklings of peas could be vegetarian options or even be included with the meats.

Toppings could include peppers, gravy or selected sauces.

The other novel concept, which really sets this idea apart from what is already available, is the hidden sweet treat internally held within the cone.

The large photograph shows a filling of red jelly with chunks of dark chocolate and a Malteser plug. But many other mixes could be added such as illustrated by the banner photograph.

Other sweets could be utilised such as Smarties, Jelly Babies, chocolate raisins or maybe healthier options like apple, orange segments or grapes.

The major benefit of The MashTop is the complete lack of environmental waste because the toppings, internal contents and the 'container', the wafer cone itself, are all edible.

Additional benefits include ease of use, convenience, the ability for customers to select their own choice of fillings and being quick enough to prepare to be called fast food.

As the original designer and so first user of this concept I am uniquely qualified to report on the success or otherwise of this concept.

For the purpose of this article I simply used products that are easily available at large supermarkets and I used no more 'cooking' than boiling a kettle.

I used a freeze dried potato mash option and warmed the frankfurters by emptying the water from a tin and adding boiled water.

With more effort in a full kitchen fresh potatoes could be peeled, boiled and mashed but the end result would look little different.

Because I like the way I prepared the food I was personally satisfied with the taste and texture of the mash based topping.

It was as easy to eat as a classic ice cream and didn't spill anywhere.

The interaction between the mash, frankfurters and the room temperature cone was admittedly a bit unusual because this is not the normal way of consuming food. However it was perfectly acceptable.

The only change I would make is a thicker wafer cone as the moisture from the mashed potato was easily absorbed around the cone perimeter. This would be less likely the quicker the product was consumed. Alternate thicker, stronger cones were not available in the supermarket that I used.

The internal treats were lovely as expected and no such differentiation between the cone and sweet filling was experienced.

When reselecting a different more substantial cone I would also seek a larger size. The standard small cone wasn't able to accommodate much filling and the mashed potato based topping was only a small meal. Ideal for a snack between meals or for children but probably not enough for a main lunchtime meal. Maybe cone size options could be offered at the retail outlet.

Overall I feel the product has serious potential as a new fast food option.

A complete meal in a take away cone. Two courses, no waste.

Do you like this idea? Perhaps you have some comments. The idea is not patented and therefore free to use. Try it. Enjoy it. Sell it. Sell millions. Make millions. Thank me later.

And finally if you think I haven't also thought of serving other fast food meals such as burgers in a wafer box then you really don't understand the breadth of my inventiveness. Another great idea, just dropped in as an afterthought? You're welcome.


Author: Vince Poynter
Version m5.270 11 Jul 2019 [First Publication]
The header image is a compilation of eleven photographs showing the concept of the MashTop product, along with the author holding one of the cones, taken by the author and his wife on 23 Sep 2017
The additional image is a close up of a cutaway MashTop, taken by the author on 23 Sep 2017
I had the idea of mashed potato based fast food outlets a few years ago but only publicly posted this as an idea in April 2019
The idea of the MashTop was fully developed by me by 2017, as can be seen from the date of the photographs. This article is the first public airing of the idea. Had I created the article immediately and not spent ages updating my web site as a vehicle for such thoughts I suspect that by now there would have been a sea change of fast food container use and as a result there would be no plastics found in our environment, Polar Bears would have been brought back from near extinction and David Attenborough would be having a nice quiet retirement. For this delay Mr Attenborough and all Polar Bears I am sorry.



Ring-o-Mash

An original coloured pencil sketch drawing illustrating how a new mashed potato outlet might look on the high street.  The drawing shows a row of three outlets. On the left a failing chicken outlet called FryMark advertising a closing down offer. In the centre a new mashed potato based food outlet called Ring-o-Mash, with a queue of customers awaiting entry. On the right a modern, glassy, technical store outlet with a bemused looking store operative looking onto the scene.  In the foreground a woman in a white dress is stepping off the pavement whist walking her small dog.  Another detail on the far left shows a person sat in a doorway. The drawing is signed and dated at the bottom right as Vince 19.

I seem to come up with several ideas including many for businesses across many sectors. Occasionally my mind has to bat them off because they come at me so furiously at times.

And they appear suited to a variety of places but the best need to be sustainable. After all, in commerce, why sell one of something to someone when there are options to sell and resell and resell all over again to customers.

The best business example of this is of course the food industry.

But the food industry is as mature as a stock of forgotten Stilton. And often as impenetrable as a stock of forgotten Edam. However I must stop these silly cheese based analogies to concentrate my best business brain cell on finding a chink in this already well developed market.

So let’s take a look at who does best here.

The most successful must be the high volume, massive turnover, big brand supermarkets. Unfortunately to take on these giants would take a lifetime of hard work originating from a small base and this is where my forte falls unfortunately short. By about thirtee-nyne.

The next most successful food based businesses must be the big brand burger and chicken establishments and it is here I see a possible way to sneak a crack into the firmament.

You see these fast food emporiums concentrate mainly on the meat part of the meat and two veg combo. A burger outlet will mainly offer burger and fries or burger with salad or even burger alone. The chicken outlets do the same only replacing the term burger with the phrase fried chicken. And the Asian variants do the same this time invariably leading with the curried meat. Even the original fast food outlet in this country leads with fish and whatever.

What is missing is the option in these places to vary the ‘meaty’ or ‘fishy’ bit. So, I think it’s time to lead with the chips.

I could propose a chips shop, offering chips with fish, chips with burger or chips with chicken, all within one establishment. But chips are as unhealthy as fries so let’s drop the whole frying thing and offer a simpler, basic potato option.

My proposal is to start a chain of take away food outlets with the emphasis on the potato. And as jacket potato outlets already exist and new potatos are inconsistent and have a habit of rolling all over the place I suggest trying the mashed potato option.

Imagine a smart new food outlet headlined by a healthy, tasty mashed potato choice. With a variety of additional side extras from meats like burgers and chops, via sausages to curries and stews. Plus a variety of vegatable choices such as peas, carrots, beans etc. All topped as desired with butter, black pepper, gravy or sauces.

Mashed potato is simple to produce, there are automated potato peeling machines, and cooking is a simple boiling and mechanised mashing procedure. The product can even be mass produced in a remote location, freeze dried, easily stored and transported then enlivened by simply adding boiling water.

A hand drawn coloured pencil sketch of a potential ring-o-mash serving showing a ring of mashed potato in an originally designed circular polystyrene container.  Within the ring of mash a pair of sausages are shown along with a serving of green peas. The drawing is signed and dated at the bottom right as Vince 19.
An illustration to show how a take away serving of a Ring-o-Mash, served with sausages and peas, might look. Note the unique circular design of the polysterene container

To further identify this idea from other more established branding and presentation I envisage that mashed potato based take aways should be offered on a circular platter with the non-mash options added within the circle.

This design would help with containment of any looser items such as peas and for liquids such as gravy during transit.

Additionally the design has some familiarity, resembling the classic rice and curry presentation and allows for simple mixing prior to consumption. In fact the brand Ring-o-Mash was inspired by such a take away design concept.

This concept would be unique, tasty, healthy and could be marketed as suitable for vegetarians, vegans, followers of halal choices or those with allergies.

Setting up a business like this would be relatively simple. As a basic cottage industry it could be started from home, providing you have a working kitchen. And on a more industrial scale the concept could be expanded or franchised.

And the best bit is that it is premiered right here.

So are you looking for a new business idea? Do you have the skills to set this up? The necessary food hygine certification? The kettle? If so please feel free to go for it.

I only ask that you show credit where credit is due by acknowledging me as the person who came up with this idea. And for about 3% of turnover when you are established in more than three counties.

And a free lunch on Wednesdays. Because I love mash. Covered in sprinkled cheese.


Author: Vince Poynter
Version m5.258 16 Apr 2019 [First Publication]
The header image is an original sketch drawn by the author to illustrate how a new mashed potato outlet might look on the high street
The additional image is an original sketch drawn by the author to illustrate how a 'ring of mash' take away meal comprising mashed potato, sausages and peas might look if presented in a uniquely designed circular polystyrene take away box



Sweet Tea

A Refreshment Revolution

Photograph of the author in a suit serving tea to a table full of pensioners whilst some workers look on
One lump or two? I said, one lump or two!? Oh, never mind, it's turned out nice again

I love tea.

But then again I am supposed to. I am British.

I even wrote a prose on the subject.

Admittedly, the way I take it - black, weak and with one sugar is a little unconventional. If it is an inviting, red, watery, sweet liquid where you can clearly see the base of the cup I'm a happy bunny. The taste is so subtle, not disrupted by the artificial thickness of bovine mammoidal fluid.

I learnt to appreciate the subtleness of tea as a drink after a Japanese restaurant supplied me with green tea. An oriental fusion of hot water with bits of their garden chucked in it. Strange to the eye but welcome in the mouth. The Japenese have been drinking it like this for hundreds of years before they told me. How inconsiderate is that?

This ancient heritage can be easily traced because in essence tea has hardly changed since the first chinaman boiled a pan of water in autumn. That is why the British love it. We are superb at tradition. So much so the developments in tea distribution have been few and far between.

For a start there was the tea bag. A major revolution. And then. Well almost nothing.

Except tea bags of various shapes offering dubious claims to increase efficiency. I don't even want my flavour to flood out. I take it red ferchrissakes.

So when I came upon this idea I thought I could claim a landmark. A revolution in tea making. A quantum step no less.

Will they name it after me?

Like all good ideas it is simple and comes from need.

Recently, I tried to make a cup of tea but there was no sugar. Someone had used the last of it and all that remained were a few grains amongst the coffee granules.

Little interim note, if you have coffee with sugar - put the sugar in first so the spoon doesn't contaminate the sugar. That coffee granule really spoils my weak tea. And I'm tea total, I never drink coffee.

Anyway, back to the case in point. I wanted a cup of tea and there was no sugar. I looked at the teabag. If only the sugar was already in it I thought.

One of those little lightbulb thingies illuminated over my head and there it was.

Tea bags, containing tea and sugar.

A marketing edge.

I even have the logo. "Sweet tea's the one for me".

Do you have the ability to turn this into a consumer product with me? Tea bag and sugar producers click away.

Author: Vince Poynter
Version m5.039 15 Dec 2017
First Published: Version 1.00 in Oct 2003 and reproduced here in full, unedited
The links were added in Version m5.039 15 Dec 2017, along with the image which depicts the author serving afternoon tea to some pensioners whlst some co-workers look on
Links to 'Tea' poem added in version m5.040 17 Dec 2017



Tea

By Vince

A nonsense written in 1992


A photograph of Vince with a tea mug squatting in front of a row of white Mercedes-Benz E Class cars

When I get up in the morning,
I really can't stop yawning,
Until I've had my first of the day.
And before I sleep at night,
I insist on my right.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

I usually have it at ten.
Two hours later, one again.
That usually keeps me going until three,
When I need one more,
Or maybe two or three or four.
What would I do without my cups of tea?

Well, what did you think I was on about?

In a pub I'll not touch beer,
Or sip a sherry on the pier.
I wouldn't touch a spirit with a pole.
Coffee makes me sick,
And Horlicks gets on my wick.
So you could say that I am tea total.

And when I get old and die,
And meet my maker in the sky.
I'll say to him ... or her, "Just before we settle down.".
Can I have a cup of char?
'Cause I haven't come this far,
To a place where no tea's served in the town.

The morale of this tale,
A tale you all know well,
Is that, if you ever meet me in the square?
Offer white, with just one knob ... of sugar,
Or else you'll have a job,
Persuading me to join you for a chat. So there!

Author: Vince Poynter
Version m5.040 17 Dec 2017
Written and performed in 1992
First Published: Version 1.00 in Oct 2003
The image depicts the author holding a tea cup whilst squatting by a row of new, white Mercedes-Benz E-Class cars, taken in Jul 2013. It was added, along with the tags, in Version m5.040 17 Dec 2017