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Welcome to the developing, wonderful world of the vinceunlimited website, now in it's fifth iteration.

More and more articles are being added every week, some on a daily basis, so please re-visit and refresh the page regularly to keep up to date with the latest posts.

So browse the old mouse on some words and you'll get in-site jump links or rodger your rodent on a big blue button to fly off immediately to the named specialist page.



Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.135 15 Jun 2018
First Published: Version 5.000 29 Sep 2017



Bloody Foreigners

[Another blog from the archives, first published in the middle of a past football World Cup competition. In 2006]

I would like to blame an exciting World Cup competition for not updating my blog for a while.

Unfortunately no one team seems to have really produced anything remotely like a beautiful game which makes England's quarter-final exit against Portugal even more frustrating.

As ever with an England defeat those responsible are being lined up for critical analysis and Portugal's Christiano Ronaldo seems to be taking centre stage in the blame arena.

The vitriol being dished out by email [and presumably other media if I could be bothered to read it] is diminishing my view that he was the best player on the pitch that day.

He had no support from his lack-lustre colleagues but performed his part well, even successfully antagonising England's most short tempered player.

It may be an ugly part of the beautiful game but viewed as a world-wide sport only Englishmen seem to want to play with honour.

Is it time to join them?

I've decided to take the initiative so next time I pass my client in the office I'm going to throw myself to the floor and yell 'Compensation!'.




Today a colleague of mine complained about a noisy neighbour.

This individual has apparently been creating havoc in her neighbourhood by driving fast with loud music playing.

As if this wasn't enough this Mediterranean individual has a provocative 'Italian Stallion' bumper sticker.

I suggested she get a black marker and overwrite 'Tony the Pony'.


Links



Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.135 15 Jun 2018
First Published: Version 2.03 6 Jul 2006



Speak To The Nation

A voice for all seasons

Each decade seems to have its own individuality. Examples like the 1950s Rockers, the 1980's excess, even the 1890's engineering.

However the 2000's are too young and incomplete to judge but early indications are that the time we are living now may well be remembered as the time of celebrity.

In fact, a particular brand of publicly available, disposable celebrity that every young person seems to think is their inalienable right.

And I think maybe a little known Dutch company is to blame.

Endemol Productions devised Big Brother almost a decade ago but now its tentacles spread far and wide. The phenomenon continues unabated and promises the dream of 'being somebody' to everyday nobodies.

The never ending contestants' limitless desire to achieve a career [read richies] out of merely being known is almost eqaully matched by our own natural voyerism into these real-life soap operas.

So endemic is the problem that natural talent is being side-lined for manufactured pop-culture.

A good example of this is the huge list of singing competitions. In the past to be a songbird usually meant teaming up with a writer and creating something, not rearranging someone else's work.

And as a writer this gnarls at my groin.

It's time to fight back and I'll do it in my old traditional way - by joining them!

Although scathing about the concept of fame TV I actually have a desire to be part of it.

I too am seduced by the promise of eeking out an easy living and would relish the lightweight, unearned adoration that entails the lifestyle. Cheap, but desireable nonetheless.

But Reality TV producer's don't come knocking at the door, at least not mine, so I need to get positive and the way I propose is to propose a way.

My idea is to set up a few video booths around the country and invite anybody who cares to leave any message they want.

They would be stationed in public squares, parks and stations and be the twenty-first century version of speaking at Hyde Park corner.

The messages will be recorded and sifted by a team of editors to extract the interesting from the banal, with the best featuring on a weekly programme.

Some may choose to record daily dairies, others may vent their spleen, but most will just be childish giggling and vociferous slang.

Not to worry, talent and interest will shine through and there will be gold amongst the dross.

I know you are now thinking that this has been done before. After all, even the failed contestants of some singing shows get their chance to prove in a video booth why they were not selected the first time round. So why would this format be successful?

The answer is money.

The twist would be that it would cost a nominal amount to record the message. The booths would operate only on the basis of fiscal intercourse.

In the same way that TV companies love programmes that force viewers to pay by voting on a telephony device, producers would love a TV system that pays for itself to be made.

All I need now is a TV Production Company and I'll be able to share the decade with the Dutch.


Links



Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.133 13 Jun 2018
First Published: Version 2.03 in Jun 2006
'Big Brother' is a fly on the wall style documentary TV programme whereby miked up participants, chosen by their personalities and looks are grouped to live close to each other in a house surrounded by cameras to capture their every movement and conversation. The footage is edited to entertain and as time progresses the viewers get a chance to vote out the least interesting characters thereby ending with a winner who receives a cash award
If you are thinking this idea is just YouTube which is a widely used free service please note that I offered this idea in Jun 2006. YouTube was only founded as a web address in Feb 2005 and it took a few months to get funding and wasn't formally launched until Dec of that year. In mid 2006 it wasn't that well known, certainly not by me. In fact it wasn't until 2010 that I uploaded my first video to YouTube



The vinceunlimited Safe As Houses Pitch

Cold War - Part Two

It is said that if you are unable to pitch a story within one minute then you will not command the attention of a Hollywood producer. If I had that minute, this is what I'd say.


Safe As Houses by Vince Poynter

The main character is a retiring CIA agent.

Having lived undercover for most of his career he hadn't built a life so has accepted as gratitude for his sterling work a safe house to live in.

Hailing from a wealthy nation he is naturally given a large house.

Unfortunately for him it backs onto a lesser suburb and in particular the small tatty garden of a retired drunken Russian.

Given the CIA man's career he is non too keen on his Red neighbour and constantly taunts him about 'the unfortunate fact that the Cold War had ended'.

Eventually the relationship warms and the men start to discover more about each other.

It transpires that they share similarities. The Russian is not only ex-KGB but was also his arch nemesis.

Hostilities once more erupt, cumulating in the building of a mini Berlin Wall between their properties.

Will they be able to live happily ever after and once more thaw out the Cold?


I'm seeing Bob and Sean. What do you think luvvies?


Links



Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.132 12 Jun 2018
First published: Version 2.03 Jun 2006



vQuotes [Updated]

Snappy Quips

Vince sat in an office in a yellow shirt and loud tie on the phone whilst working his computer mouse
Yellow shirt ✓ Loud tie ✓ Busy on the phone ✓ Annoying person ✓ - A copywriter at work

This is the vQuote page of the vinceunlimited website, which will eventually be populated with all the original and memorable quotations that have oratoraly spewed forth from the mouth of Vince.

Our lives are dominated by the phrases and sayings dreamt up at alcohol fuelled, barnstorming sessions in trendy, high rise office spaces by people wearing brightly coloured braces with a tendency to say 'think outside the box' quite a lot. At least that's what I presume.

I once applied for a position at one of these copywriting companies but wasn't considered. I had figured I would be good at the job and my natural talent would shine through. Plus the braces would have suited me. It would be more appropriate for me than the soulless industry I had fallen into.

However, possessing my kind of staying power and determination I gave up at the first hurdle and have been a closet copywriter ever since.

But now comes my revenge. The internet has allowed us all to fulfill our deepest wishes despite our given opportunities. Now, luck no longer controls our destiny and it's up to us to seize the chance and make amends for the injustices of fate. If only we could be arsed.

I will use this part of my website to publish the quotes, quips and sayings that I use or think up.

Kind of a personal Dictionary of Quotations.

All will be, as far as I am aware, original. Please advise me if this isn't the case.

And, as is the nature of these things feel free to quote them mercilessly. A certain pride will amass in my inner regions when I hear them uttered by the great and good. But don't forget that acknowledgement when appropriate.

The vQuote Quotations

First published in version 2.03 in Jun 2006
To be considered knowledgeable you only have to know slightly more

It's not nice getting old - But the alternative is much worse

I'm a Terranoid. It means that I'm paranoid about terrorism. And just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean that they won't blow me up

Knowledge is multi-faceted. Only when you reach each edge will you truly know the limit

Motorway sign - Banana Lorry Spill - Peel Off At Next Exit

Sticker on car - I don't even slow down for racehorses

Motorway sign - W.I. Meeting Ahead - Expect Jam
First published in version 2.02 in Sep 2005
Praise the Lord? Frankly he needs a good kicking

If you believe that cleanliness is next to godliness then clearly you have a few pages missing from your dictionary
First published in version 2.00 in May 2005
I'm not one to think what I'm saying - I say what I'm thinking
First published in version 1.03 in Feb 2005
Green sky thinking - Much less restrictive than the blue variety

You know your marriage is in trouble when the fear that your partner will leave turns to hope

I read it from cover to cover. Via the spine

Mothers ask you nice questions, like when do you want your tea? Fathers are more taxing, they ask questions such as where have you been, or why were you in the river? Or, what is the capital of Equatorial Guinea?

When I'm creative it's either there or it isn't. If I can't devise a method of intergalactic space propulsion during a single train journey I give up. The scientists of the world should be assured that I did once try

If dogs have such a good sense of smell why do they need to get so close to their mates rear end?

I'm the flamboyant sort who always flicks his underpants in the air on removal, catching them with my teeth. An action that I always regret afterwards

She is your number one fan. Is there a number two?

Computer sign off - Gotta fly - Got R.S.I.
First published in version 1.02 in Mar 2004
If undelivered. Why not? - Note at foot of registered letter

His books are sold by weight. Not volume

Men share 90% of their genes with a chimpanzee. But only around 30% with women

The shortest route isn't always the best. On a spiral staircase for instance

This website is easily one of the best ten million in the world
First published in version 1.00 in Oct 2003
Getting up at the crack of birds - An early start

Bugger, I'm not immortal - Carved into a headstone

Finally, a few put downs. These have all been used by me. Thankfully I'm still living to tell the tale

First published in version 1.02 in Mar 2004
"Let me introduce you to Mr. Comb."

To my wife trying on a jacket - "Frankly, it looked better on the hanger."

On wanting to find the right time to look good for a photograph - "Well. It's a narrow time window."

If you like my style of sayings you may be interested to know that you can search many of my website articles by snappy quip alone.

Seek such wordiness under vQuote - 'Click to choose a website quote' in the right column, or by selecting the appropriate blue button tagged below.


Links



Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.131 11 Jun 2018
The idea of vQuotes was originally published as 'copywriting' in Version 1.00 in Oct 2003



Poignant Verse

Thoughtful Verse


Doctor

I wish I were a doctor
Then I'd know what's wrong with me
I'd use science and medicine
Not hypochondriary


Santa

Santa came round every year
One day he wasn't there
It isn't that he left me out
I just grew too old to care


Sun

Every day I saw the sun
One day there was no light
It wasn't that the sun went out
It's just I lost my sight


Weather

The weather outside is foul
I wish I were ten again
I used to see the puddles
Now all I see is rain

Links



Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.130 8 Jun 2018
First Published: Version 2.03 in Jun 2006



Listen - Top Ten Musical Acts

Aural affections

Everyone, it seems, has an opinion on music and much can be discerned from the aural choices of an individual.

No doubt that many will view my list with distain and never speak to me again as I didn't highlight a Goth artist or because a particular band are in the list. But it is my list and at least you don't have to listen to them here.

And thank your lucky stars that you are not subjected to the song that my partner and I share as 'our song'. Sadly, it is Leo Sayer's 'Have You Ever Been In Love?' Well, it was in the charts at the time.

Below I have listed out my favourite artists, rather than favourite songs.

I know that as soon as I finish a list of songs a radio or CD play reminds me of one that I had 'forgotten', such is the quality of good music available. Because of this bands and groups are easier to list.

Plus the list cannot be dominated by one or two artists which would have the effect of making me look like a fan. Or stalker.

The less drunk and more observant will notice a complete lack of Folk, Jazz or Country artists and suggest this list is from the mind of a philistine.

Others may cite the lack of Hard Rock, Rap or Grunge and suggest this is the list of an impassionate bore.

Some may even ask why Christian music isn't featured. At least that group should forgive me.




ABBA

Often dismissed as simple pop this band's work is starting to become recognised for its true genius.

If producing sounds that seem so simple is so easy then why were they not copied and re-invented by countless others?

The reason is that these melodic songs are actually crafted by really talented musicians and performed by artists that knew the extra delight that can be had when the lyrics are actually comprehensible.

Simplicity has never been so complex.

And, because you just need to know - the blonde in the seventies, now the redhead (no, I'm not talking Bjorn and Benny).




The Beautiful South

Although there are at least three principle voices that take turns in leading the vocals it is still possible to discern a Beautiful South song from others because of their unique style.

Crystal clear, smooth, well matched vocals bringing life to interestingly written lyrics make the middle of the road a great place to listen.




The Carpenters

The excellent sounding voices of Melanie Chisholm and Dido are knocked off this list as they cannot compete with the great female voice in The Carpenters.

The more I hear about them the more I actually notice the genius behind the beautiful, soulful seventies music.

Brother Richard was instrumental in the instrumentals and gave direction to sister Karen's dreamy, mellow voice.

Sounds good when played on any source but mesmerising when played by a quality system.




Dire Straits

I pity the younger generation.

They have Busted and McFly, who although make excellent guitar-based music, can hardly compare to the greats of the seventies and Dire Straits are one band whose work immediately came to mind.




Elton John

Elton John has been writing and performing excellent songs with his lyricist Bernie Taupin for as long as I have been listening and he continues to provide top class albums, both singly and branching out into collabrations with new bands plus different genres such as film and theatre scores.

Importantly, unlike other seventies superstars his greatest hits do not all come from one era.

Yes, that includes you Cliff.

As a prediction I think his best work is yet to come and it will be stunning.

In case there is any doubt I mean Elton - not Cliff.




Meatloaf

With the exception of Status Quo Meatloaf would probably be the most embarassing artist to admit to liking in my list.

Many would baulk at the idea and see him as an overweight has-been rocker but I think he would enjoy that thought.

After decades of collecting enough LPs, CDs, DVDs, attending concerts and taking an interest in his other work I might be accused of actually being a fan.

So why? - The answer probably lies in a fairly unknown man called Jim Steinman who writes all of his hits with an expressive passion I can only admire.

All coupled with Meat's humourous, tongue in cheek, theatrical delivery.

And 'cause I'm a biker all revved up with no place to go.




Queen

Again, showing my age as well as appreciation for the era Queen is selected for their classic tracks.

Like so many it has taken me some time to really appreciate their work, so long that their main man, Freddie Mercury, has now departed.

I don't harbour regrets but if I did the most prominent would be that I didn't go to one of their live shows in the seventies 'because it was a bit expensive.'

What price now?




Robbie Williams

Most true superstars come from the sixties, seventies and eighties.

These were eras before the modern concept of manufactured fame [and before you bore me with that story about The Monkees, name another].

Robbie Williams however has broken the mould.

The fat kid from the most famous manufactured band has risen like an erupting super-volcano and shown the world how it used to be done.

Plus, as I can hardly name more than three Robbie tracks his inclusion in this list is down to superstardom alone and I bow to it.




Status Quo

People dismiss them as a one-chord wonder but what a chord.

Toe-tapping enough to feature over many decades.

So famous now that they have featured on Coronation Street.

The Quo were my favourites when I cared about the colour of my Denim and grew my hair long.

To be honest not a lot has changed since.




Tchaikovsky

I thought I might elevate the list somewhat with my final choice.

I have never been a big fan of classical music as I find it too involving to become entwined in my soul.

However I love a good rousing crescendo and Tchaikovsky does it best.


Links



Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.129 7 Jun 2018
First Published: Version 2.00 in May 2005



The Economy Proposal [Updated]

The Economy proposal is part of the vinceunlimited Political Concept which was published in 2005 to offer some alternatives to the Status Quo of British politics. Because nobody wanted just two chords in Parliament.


The Economy

Taxing Problems

Limitations

As you can read, under the section 'Political System' I have already proposed a radical way in which important issues such as the economy of our country should be dealt with.

By appointing the most suitable Chancellor of the Exchequer I would be foolish to think I could do better, so I will not attempt to detail how I would keep our country's taxes at bay.

However, even the most astute Chancellor would need to have some guidance on policy.

Taxation

This is not a new idea but it is radical.

I believe that revenue collection via general taxation on earnings is fundamentally flawed.

It would be a far better thing to shift that taxation burden onto expenditure, in other words from earnings based taxation to purchase tax.

In this way taxation becomes a choice. If you don't buy anything you don't pay any tax.

Obviously there would need to be controls to prevent earning in this country and spending in another and our balance of payments would need to be carefully controlled but there is no reason why this system could not be made into a global issue.

Additionally, there may need to be some incentives to spend when the mood of the country is gloomy, such as when England loses at football.

Naturally there would be big benefits such as the shifting of offshore accounts back into our economy, incentives for individuals to work harder without unreasonable penalty and the general feeling of fairness.

However I would work on reducing the number of taxable areas.

Just adding another layer of purchase tax to all the myriad of other taxes would be unacceptable.

It is ludicrous, for example, that presently when you purchase a car a special car tax is added on before the application of VAT. I would certainly not propose another layer. There will be no tax on tax on tax!

If we can resolve the issue of purchase rather than income tax then the purchase system will be a single agreed percentile, perhaps varying for certain products.

Our clever Chancellor will have to decide the levels.

Spending

Again, because I am not familiar with the details of expenditure for each governmental department I cannot glibly quote figures and blind you with facts and figures.

In fact from where I'm sat in relation to you reading this I couldn't blind you in any way at all. Unless I suggested you increase the contrast to maximum and stare at the screen for three days. But I wont, you'll be pleased to learn.

However I am aware that the big areas of expenditure are defence and social security, both of which are drains on our economy that we would be better off without.

I will not attempt to resolve these complex issues here but release of just a small fraction of defence or social expenditure could release enough expenditure to almost double some other areas of need.

Well worth mulling over a pint or two with the newly redundant Brigadier.

Pensions

As we are an ageing population there has been recent discussion about the inadequacies of our future pension needs.

Current thinking is to raise the retirement age to accomodate the predicted shortfall. Instead, why not add two or three years more pension contributions on at the beginning rather than the end by commencing schemes from an early age?

I would investigate national compulsary pension contributions from around age eighteen, after all it is this young generation that has true freedom of wealth. They may bemoan the ability to pay but this is usually done whilst propped up in a bar spending ten times as much on temporary gratification.

I would explain that early adoption would ease later hardship.

And if anyone decides to opt out of this then I'd get them to sign a contract and waggle it under their nose when they deride the basic, non-means tested, inflation proof, limp set payout.

National Debt

I'm no fan of debt.

I do understand why we have a national debt but would personally work towards reducing this burden to nil, then become an effective creditor.

Just think of the interest we could then charge the French.


Links



Author: Vince Poynter
Version 5.128 6 Jun 18
Political Section, including Economy, First Published: Version 2.00 May 2005
Pensions Section first added: Version 2.03 in Jun 2006